Yes.

Burberry Prosum Leather Sleeve Trench

*drools*

Can we all just take a minute to absorb and appreciate the epic beauty of this piece of outerwear? I mean it's Burberry, so you know it's a damn good coat. But... *drools*

I'm obsessed. It's officially begun.

I bought a black trench a few weeks back, it's made out of that raincoat material, so I can wear it in the rain. So that's a bonus.

But this coat. I'd wear it just because I could.

Now I know it's Burberry, so I'm not even entertaining the idea of ever owning this coat, so apart from looking at pictures and staring lustily at it, I'm not doing anything about it.

But I am seeing this coat everywhere. I'm guessing that means it's very on trend right now?

I saw it on a commercial, I think ShopStyle it was. And I loved that one. But I don't like online shopping. Mainly because I'm a plus size girl, so I need to physically try things on to make sure everything buttons, zips, closes and cinches in all the right places. So there's that.

Then I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and we somehow landed on the topic of jackets and I mentioned my obsession with this particular style of coat. And then she mentioned that she found one in this style in Marshalls. Marshalls! Now I'm not entirely sure if all Marshalls carries this particular coat, because she lives up north and they might carry different stock.

But I hope the Marshalls near my house has that! So much so that I want to check sometime this weekend.

Uggghhhh.

I want that jacket so badly. I think it looks so classy yet so edgy. And despite it having leather sleeves, I definitely think this has the potential of being a timeless piece. I mean trench coats are always classy and leather jackets never really go out of style, so if you put leather sleeves on a trench coat, that just makes it infinitely better. Also, that means I could potentially (should I ever be lucky enough to find and purchase one) push up the sleeves. Because while I like my sleeves long, there are times when I'm doing something and I want to pull my sleeves up but don't want to take off the coat/jacket I'm currently wearing.

Call me lazy, sue me.

The coat is just amazing. I've been staring at pictures for days. Looking online seeing who carries a coat in this style. I did find one on Macy's website, but the reviews were pretty discouraging, so I didn't really put much stock into that one.

But that won't stop me. I'll find it's cheaper alternative.

Burlington Coat, Marshalls, Ross... Get ready for me!

Hello, old friend.

It's been a while. To say the least. 

And to be frank. My life is a mess. 

My parents joke around that I can't keep my emotions from anybody, that my face is an open book. 

If only they knew. 

My academic career is in shambles. I'm honestly thinking about taking some time off of school. Maybe a semester. Maybe a year. 

But I don't want to waste my parents' money. Which I already am by not picking a major. 

It's honestly been fucked up since the beginning. When I applied for colleges, I put pharmacy for Rutgers-NB but I put nursing for Rutgers-Camden. 

Lo and behold, I didn't get into NB but I did get into Camden. So I went to college a nursing major when everyone else (parents included) thought I was going to college as a pharmacy major. 

This messiness clearly knows no bounds. 

I was taking courses geared towards pharmacy, but because I wasn't enrolled/registered/majoring in pre-pharmacy, the option to transfer into the pharmacy school in NB was never really an option for me. 

So when the time came for me to recieve an email about an interview and my impending transfer, I had to cover up my lie. I told my parents that I didn't get in, that I someone else got picked over me, which isn't a complete lie, but it was told over 2 years too late. 

Then I thought I'd become an engineer. A civil engineer like my dad, to be specific. So then I explored that option with my parents, the engineering dean, my advisors, etc. And the consensus was that I just need to take the prerequisite classes necessary for me to transfer. 

Take a couple for math classes, ok. Physics for a 3rd time, sure. 

So now I'm in my third year, taking classes geared towards my new major. And then time for spring registration rolls around. So, like a college student that's on top of things, I email the dean of engineering about what classes I should register for next semester. 

Side note:While waiting for that response I find out that I massively bombed my second calc III exam. 

So when I recieve the reply, I find this long 4 paragraph email about how my (math/science) GPA isn't where it needs to be to be accepted into the engineering school and while he doesn't mean to be "harsh," he told me that I need to "explore my options because engineering wasn't going to be a possibility for me." 

WHAT. THE. FUCK. 

I wasted MY time. 

I wasted MY PARENTS' money. 

And for what? A major that, turns out, isn't a possibility for me. 

I am angry. 

I am disappointed. 

And I am PISSED OFF. 

I mean my GPA hasn't changed drastically since last spring. I took a class over the summer and it went up a smidgen. But it didn't change dramatically. 

So why didn't he tell me this last year? 

He waited until I took a summer class and a semester of classes that the major I thought I was working towards isn't a possibility? What kind of bullshit is this? 

And I can't even yell at him! 

He's a fucking dean at that school. I'd get suspended or some shit if I decided to do something. 

Argh!!! 

I just wish I could punch him in the face. 

Kick him in the balls. 

Grind his face into the pavement. 

 

That wouldn't even satisfy the anger burning inside me. 

Don't misunderstand. I'm not angry about what he told me. 

My GPA is too low for engineering.

OK. Fine. I get it. 

What I'm furious about is when he told me. 

Why the FUCK didn't he tell me last spring. Then I could've just discussed other options, gone a different path, and taken classes that would be geared towards a new major. 

I feel terrible. I mean I changed... well, I supposedly changed my major once from "pharmacy" to "engineering" (notice how I put quotations because I wasn't actually enrolled as those majors) and now this? 

I'm wasting their money. 

I can't even finish college. I feel like such a failure as both a student and as their child. 

All they wanted was for me to finish college. To graduate with a degree that I can get a job with right away and get situated with a stable salary. 

And I can't even do that. 

They've done and given me all I've asked for and more. 

And I can't even finish college. 

I'm such a failure. 

It's times like these when I wonder why I'm here. Why I'm put on this planet, looking out of these eyes. 

I remember when I was in high school, all these people were talking about going to a specific college, for a specific major, that leads up to their dream job. They were so goal-oriented. They knew what they wanted and they went after it and fought for it. 

And here I am just floundering. 

I think this is karma. 

Because I remember when I was around 12, I started reading fanfiction. 

For all those unaware, Fanfiction is a remarkable website where people can write their own stories using the characters of movies/books/shows etc.. I started looking there when a couple from a show/movie/book didn't end up where I wanted them to. I guess it was some form of closure for me. 

I started off reading Gilmore Girls fanfic. Specifically Rory and Logan fics. So canon Rory has always been goal-oriented. She knew she wanted to be a journalist and fought tooth and nail for it. She was also a brilliant student with impeccable work ethic. I used to aspire to be "Rory Gilmore"-smart. 

So then later on in the series, Rory loses some of her drive and decides to drop out, take some time off of school. She was lost and couldn't find the will in herself to continue. 

I used to scoff at that. My younger self used to question how someone could possibly be in college of they don't know what they're doing with their life. How someone can be wasting money like that. And taking a year off? What a stupid plan. Why prolong college when you can take your classes, graduate, then get a paying job? 

And now look at me. Exactly in that position. 

Lost, floundering, wasting my time and my parents' money. 

I just want to finish college and graduate. But at this point I feel like that's never going to happen. 

My parents I feel are already disappointed in my for changing my major once already. But to change a second time? 

And at this point in time. I feel like I want to do something I want to do. Something I'm interested in. 

Psychology. 

But my dad sees no future in that. He thinks it's one of those "bullshit" majors that "won't lead you anywhere" because it "can't guarantee you a job after college." 

But at this point? I don't care about that. 

I want to be happy. 

And I can honestly say, for the last three years, I haven't been happy. 

My life's a mess and I'm tired. I just want to do something I enjoy. Something that interests me more than just it's starting salary. 

Which by the way is why I picked pharmacy in the first place. Starting salary was about $80,000/year and could increase to $100,000/year. I mean that's a substantial paycheck. I was drawn towards that. But now I realize money isn't enough for me. 

I want happiness in my life. I want to find something that I can enjoy doing everyday. Something that will keep me interested. 

Engineering? I liked the idea of what I could do. I mean my dad does absolutely nothing in his job. Or so he claims. It's a job where he does nothing and earns $50,000-$60,000/year. 

But again, clearly a career of blandness didn't lure me either. 

But my dad was so excited. He loves talking about how much I'm going to live being an engineer and how it's going to be an easy life for me. And I hate how I'm going to have to tell my parent that I'm not going to be an engineer. 

I'm terrified of telling them. I'm going to disappoint them. They're going to be upset with me. 

I'm a terrible daughter. 

I just want them to be proud of me. 

And now I feel like this is just going to make them angry. 

And with psychology, I'm not even sure what I can do with that degree. 

I mean grad school is an option, but that's a lot more vigorous and a shitload more terrifying than undergrad. 

I mean I do enjoy psychology, but can I survive grad school when I'm clearly struggling in undergrad. 

Am I even meant to finish college? 

I meant clearly I have no idea what I'm doing with me life. I'm confused. I'm lost. I'm completely upset with myself. And I hate that my life has come to this. 

I even scheduled an appointment with a psychologist on campus. 

I've reached that point. 

I mean it's necessary. I need to talk to someone about this. Make sense of all this nonsense in my mind. I need some third party to talk this out with. See what'll benefit me or help me or at the very least keep my sanity in tact. 

I don't know how much more of this I can take. 

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry for years. 

Oh, and not only is my academic career in shambles, there's some type of nonsense going on with my armpits. I know I need to tell someone, but it's embarassing. I hate that I have of, but it's starting to become sore, even painful at times. 

Not only that, but I just learned today that I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled out. 

Yay! 

Not. 

That God I only have two. But the fact that I need to have surgery. In my mouth no less is just icing on an already perfect year. 

It's just a great year to be JoAnne isn't it?  (#sarcasm)

Note: too lazy to edit. Deal.