Good Afternoon Ladies and Germs

I've been bad.

I clearly haven't touched this blog in forever. Totally my bad.

A lot has changed.

I'm now pursing my dream, working towards a undergraduate degree in psychology. No longer am i trudging my way through classes I don't care for. I am now loving all my major courses and acing them. It's a good feeling.

Additionally, I turned 21 in March. Yes, yes, clap and cheer away. It was a momentous occasion and I've only been able to upgrade/renew it today.

So you are now looking at the new owner of a horizontal A-dult license. Huzzah!

I honestly cannot wait for the next opportunity to whip that bad boy out and show people that yes, I am in fact out of high school. Physical proof and all that hoopla.

I got a new pair of shoes a couple of weeks back. Heels, in fact. Because I've decided that I'm going to be one of those girls when asked: Heels or flats? I want to be able to answer with a resounding heels and have everyone agree with me.

And this pair? Let me tell you, I did not know I liked this style. I bought them at Payless by the way. I think they were on sale for like $25 or something. But anyway, when I saw them in the box the first time I didn't really think anything of it. I had spotted and was holding a pair of what looked to be crochet Airwalks, they looked similar to Toms. And I'm one of those people that can't just buy one thing and then be on my merry way. Two is my minimum...of anything. Books, shoes, clothes, makeup, skincare, accessories. Anything and everything, I need to buy a minimum of two items. So I was browsing for my second item (I was particularly persuaded because there was a 30% off sale off the total) and my eyes brought me to the heels. I tried them on and, let me tell you, I couldn't not bring myself to take them off. I asked my sister (who accompanied me on this shopping excursion) on her opinion on the way they looked on my feet, she gave me a positive review. I asked the two employees, they remarked on how good it looked. Yet one can never be sure. They do work there and naturally they want to make a sale, but regardless, I thought I looked hot in them.

Fioni Women's Havoc Shootie Sling in Olive

I just looked on the Payless website, to look for the proper title for that caption and noticed it's fucking $19.99 now. At the time, I didn't hesitate in  buying them because I'm never sure when stores change up their stock and I was worried that the next time I went to Payless, this particular pair would no longer be in stores. But had I waited I'd have saved about $5. Impulsivity has a cost, apparently.

Also, these shoes are called Olive. And they do look green. In some lights. When I tried them on in the stores, I actually thought they were a charcoal-ly grey color. And it wasn't until one of the employees mentioned that these shoes only came in black and this olive color. I mean I didn't mention my confusion, but in my head I was like: olive? this is green? But I was so consumed by my lust, that that didn't deter me. I mean I had that thought where I was concerned about how versatile these shoes would be, but I was in love. And I couldn't be persuaded otherwise.

So I bought those. And these.

Airwalk Women's Dream Slip-On in Cream

They're cute. And honestly, they've been my shoe of choice since I've bought them. They're super casual yet at the same time, a bit classy. And those are the same price now then when I bought them, $16.99.

And now... I've been bitten. I need more shoes. This is how my obsessions start. I get two things and I obsess over them for a substantial amount of time and suddenly I both want and need more. And thankfully, since then there have been no styles that appeal to me so my wallet and bank account are safe for the time being, but that's never guaranteed.

But back to those glorious heels. Usually when I buy new things, particular clothes or shoes, I love them in the store.  But then for some reason, when I take them home something changes and I don't like the way they look on me anymore. I mean I eventually get my balls back and wear them out and end up loving them, but it definitely keeps me from wearing them for a few weeks. But with these heels? Nope. I mean I haven't worn them out because there hasn't been an occasion for me to wear these heels, but the second I hear of such an occasion, I'm building an outfit around these heels.

I loved them so much I couldn't keep myself from wearing them. I'd wear them, walk around a little bit (just in my room, by the way), then take them off and resume whatever it was I was doing. Then, honestly, not even an hour later, I'd wander over and try them on again, take them off and go back to my "activities." And it would only repeat. The next day, I decided I'd break them in, I assumed they'd be like flats, break them it at home so when I do wear they out I don't get blisters or anything like that. But these heels didn't need any of that. They were comfortable from the get go. I did do some baking while I was in them and had to stand stationary for some time and in that time, I didn't notice some pain on the balls of my feet. I'd take a break for, maybe 5-10 minutes, and when I got up again I'd be as good as new. Like I just put them on. They are honest to God comfortable. More comfortable than any other heels I've worn prior.

Although admittedly, the heels I wore before never really fit properly, because my idiot past self didn't know how to proper try on shoes apparently. Maybe I was too excited to be able to wear heels that I somehow disregarded show size completely. I don't know. It's behind me now, so let's all just forget about it.

Back to my psychologist dreams. So yesterday I had, what I now know is called, an "information interview." Basically I emailed a few psychologists/offices in different fields to see if they were able to talk to me about their particular field and how someone like me (undergraduate senior this fall) would get to where they are today. And the first person that responded was a "psychoanalyst."

I'm not gonna lie, when I saw that I was a little nervous. I thought it was going to be this incredibly dry and complicated and something I wasn't interested in. But that wasn't what happened at all! I'm incredibly interested in it.

It's based basically on Freud and in a way psychoanalysts try to determine where one lies between the three different types of (un)consciousness. One of the examples she used was a man who whenever something great happens to him at work, he goes on drinking binges and it turn ends up getting fired. She says that other psychologists would diagnose him with a substance abuse problem, but a psychoanalyst would look deeper into this person's historical context. And as it turns out, this person comes from a very blue collar family, so this person is the first to become successful. So subconsciously, this individual is trying to sabotage his own success because he doesn't believe it's possible for him to achieve so much.

Isn't that fascinating?

Another example was of a woman who has affairs with married men. How this woman is only attracted to married men and there aren't any available men around. A psychoanalyst would, again, look into the historical context. So maybe this woman could've had some type of trauma in her early life and as such avoids relationships and therefore seeks men who can't give her that or any type of emotional intimacy.

I find that so incredibly interesting. And she mentioned that I don't have to specifically be a psychoanalyst. I could go into another field but then I could get my hours in a psychoanalytic clinic. Kind of like the icing on a cake.

And the field I'm most interested in? Sex therapy. There's a sex therapist in my area, in the same building as the psychoanalyst actually, that I want to contact and hopefully she'll respond in the affirmative and I can talk to her. I've always found sex interesting. Sexual disorders, sex in general, anything and everything to do with sex have always drawn my attention. So to be able to have a career where I essentially talk about sex and the best ways to have a successful sexual relationship with oneself or with others and get paid for it? That's the dream right there. That's my dream.

And I think they'll go together. A sex therapist with some training in a psychoanalytic clinic. I feel like I'll be even better in helping my future patients.

I want so badly to be a sex therapist. That's definitely the area I want to go into. I just want to talk to this particular sex therapist (mentioned above) so I get gain a stronger understanding of this field and so I can learn how I get become a sex therapist from where I am currently.

Cross your fingers for me. It's scary to know that I'm finishing college and will soon be looking for a job so that I can go back for my masters/doctorate, but I want the highest education I can get to get the best possible job so I can support myself and my ridiculous and expensive habits.

Let's hope for the best.